For years I tried to find a word describing what I loved

I was an artist — for one day — and I enjoyed the experience.

It was in Berlin in the early ‘90s, at this devastated house in the former east, near the wall.

A collective exhibition, organised by a progressive gallerist, and morbid in every way. It consisted of skulls of deceased German soldiers as a carbon atom installation, and I took part with an installation too!

I felt the system: the respect of the fellow artists after the opening, and all of the compliments. I was a part of it for one day.

Then there were the painters in the cafè keeping a distance from our table, and looking angry when I talked about painting in a loving way, because they thought I was mocking them.

It was one happy holiday.

Art or “kunst“ in German, is a word I never dared to take in my mouth because it has a bad taste.

All the time I heard people whispering to me or behind my back that I am no artist; as if I ever wanted to be one.

There were years where I tried to find a word describing what I loved.
Was it not simply painting in a gripping way?

‘Kitsch.’

What a relief to have a term I can relate to.

Why try to be a part of a system, when you can simply have friends and respected colleagues?

Now we will throw these mediocre kitschmongers into slavery, and teach them to venerate the German spirit and to worship the German God.

— Arnold Schönberg, 1914